Welcome to the Salvation Navy

Steve Wilkens
Admiral of the Salvation Navy

A Subtle Misunderstanding
The Salvation Navy wishes to apologize to the people of Ruratonga. We have been visiting your lovely island far more often than other places in the pacific. We now understand we wore out our welcome long ago and we are a burden on your small community. It was a simple translation error. We thought the crowds that greeted us were chanting "Thank God, they have come back" when you were actually saying "Oh, Christ, they're here again".

Technological Breakthrough
The new ship launched long range cruise missile under development by the Bureau of Vestments and Munitions has been tested successfully. The new missile, nicknamed the "Sermonator", has a range of 400 miles and can loiter over the target for several days. Equipped with with the loudest public address system ever deployed on an airborne platform, it is highly effective at showing targets the error of their ways.