Welcome to the Colegrovian Secret Police Department
"We Know You Did It"

Craig Johnson

Duke d'Hill Country
Chief of Secret Police

Imperial Impostor Scare a False Alarm
The Chief of the Secret Police wishes to apologize to the Emperor and the citizens of Colegrovia for his hasty warning that someone posing as the Emperor was at large in the Empire.

"A person claming to be the Emperor called me the other day and said he had a date with a girl lined up. We all know that is impossible so I thought he must have been an impostor", stated the Chief. "I immediately put out a warning to the populace. As it turns out the person in question called back later to tell me his date was canceled so it was undoubtedly in fact His Above Averageness."

  The Secret Police Get Serious
The Secret Police have decided to use artilery in any future conflicts with rollerboarders and skatebladers on the streets of Colegrovia. "Them punks is quick. We need more firepower," stated the minister, seen here with the new aquisition.

Mind Your Own Beeswax
The Chief of the Secret Police reiterated that he will continue to subject his "guests" to the "fold out sofa" in the "guest room"  no matter what Amensty International thinks of the practice.

"We have written statements from all our visitors that they had a fine nights sleep", stated the Chief.  "In fact, several of our former guests have returned without us having to go fetch them. Besides, we only have the one guestroom. If you people don't stop complaining I'll put you in the "backseat" of the "Civic" and throw away the key."